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Log 2 ok im taking steps to get it under check because dear god these last 2 days have been bad, bad BAD,. BAD.  05/25/2023 ~~ 18:59
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so much fucking mental brain damage right now dude 05/25/2023 ~~ 14:44
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 05/24/2023 ~~ 16:57
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sometimes i get really scared about the kinds of medicine im on and how much I have to take and probably how narrowly of a line i'm walking between acting "it's normal" and being dead in a grave 05/20/2023 ~~ 21:01
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brian eno once again making me feel fucked up about state of affairs in the artist community at 6am its too early for this shit  05/20/2023 ~~ 06:43
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comedic timing in old spongebob is pretty much what i imagine the pace of an animated byoe and nemu cartoon would be  05/17/2023 ~~ 13:48
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so many fucking idiots who have no idea how to draw but here i am like an arthritic ass 90 year old waking up 4am and I can't do anything without being high on something literally "medicated" is just a code word for "legally high as fuck" i think its only between the trapeze of being that fucking high on shit all the time that I haven't blown up a government building yet. yes putting that on this site is getting my record in the list updated but i honestly could not fucking care less I'm going to be dead before im 25 anyway 05/16/2023 ~~ 06:55
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fishtank.live is legit some of the most sickening shit ive seen yet though i know its just supposed to be parody reality tv 21st century but its somehow as bad as what they did to eggplant guy because of the waves of unreality hitting my brain about how easily accessible the hobby of gangstalking is in 2023 and makes me think about my own experiences with stalking this isn't even what i came on here to write though; all i realy wanted to type on my keyboard is that i miss my fucking mommy and i wish someone would tell me what to do 05/15/2023 ~~ 20:27
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this is more unreality inducing then fishtank.live literal dystopia imagining the 10 year olds right now who were raised on youtube 05/15/2023 ~~ 12:40
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spongebob balls out had an episode about plunderphonics 05/13/2023 ~~ 20:46
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when i was a little kid me and my brother would wrestle with our necks and right now im wondering if thats one of the reasons why i have neck issues as an adult 05/12/2023 ~~ 23:01
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today i was walking around the big field and i lost my sandals because i had taken them off so i could walk barefoot in the grass. and usually when i do that i take the same path back and i can find where i left my sandals. but today something in the world disconnected and i couldnt find them and eventually i asked durbin to help so we did it together while he went to go throw away some rotting meat in the edge of the woods. and durbin said that it was so like me to take my sandals off thoughtlessly in tall grass.. i wonder what that does say about me... 05/10/2023 ~~ 20:05
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anyway when my wrists dont feel broken hopefully ill feel like working on some new stuff for the site 05/09/2023 ~~ 20:35
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recently ive been playing a little bit of overwatch 2 here and there which is funny cuz its not the kind of game id usually play at all i dont like multiplayer online games, but i was having a little nostalgia i think for playing it back when it launched with old friends. but i am quitting playing it already even though its only been a few weeks because i am dumbfounded by how stupid of a marketing ploy it is. its so blatant that its a game thats designed around the philosophy of addiction so people keep grinding their SR, keep watching OWL, keep buying skins from the skinner shop. its fucking crazy cuz the game is actually fun. but its not fun in a good way its just barely fun enough it keeps you playing. and also its clearly geared towards kids who have good reaction times and can keep track of all the shit on the screen. i am literally too arthritic for that kind of game. even though im used to feeling bad in my body ill justify wasting time and energy on a dumb game like ow2 just because it gives me a little dopamine burst when i see the numbers go up. insane what an addictive personality does considering i could literally just go get drugs that make me feel better then that gay little dopamine burst ever cld. im going to stick to singleplayer games and vns and spend my time on my projects and creativity thank u very much. (the part i really dont want to admit is that i think watching OWL is really fun and im gonna have to try to quit that too because its become a new past time. i just like how fast paced the game is! it reminds me of SSMB at its best another game i cant play because of ongoing chronic pain and disability saga) 05/09/2023 ~~ 20:27
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i was wrong about the cats.. see, it was probably a hoax, and it was actually the dogs who had eaten the cat food i left out. as for the paw print, i think it must have just been one of the dogs stepping lightly. two days have passed and none of the new food i put out was touched. i am a little sad, but maybe it is for the best, because i don't think i'll be living here for much longer. dairy, i feel disconnected.. today, someone i don't always like told me a very thoughtful thing, about how sometimes doing something you don't nessecarily want to do, or in a way you don't agree with, is how you grow as an artist.. but here i am, after all these years, playing with myself in another lonely room.. it's like i can't ever really be a part of other peoples worlds, no matter how much i want to be. at the end, i return to my room and play with myself because i am too autistic to do anything else. i feel so retarded. only recently maybe have i been seeing the bigger picture of how retarded i really am and how much my alienation has been a product of my autism.. dairy, i hope some one is out there.. 05/07/2023 ~~ 19:54
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today my whole day centered around a hunt to discover whether or not there were feral cats in our barn. because, this morning, when i went to get spring onions from the greenhouse, i heard cat meowing coming from the barn. i investigated and found lots of spots they might be hiding in the walls and floor, but no evidence. so when i went to get lunch with my brother, he gave me some cat food, and using the cat food and some flour on the floor, i made baited traps, so that i could get a paw print, i could confirm that they really were in there the picture was from the bowl on the third floor, but on the 2nd floor, there was a trail of kitten sized paw prints.. i am really hoping that there will be kittens, because even if they are feral, they can be domesticated better then adults. i am so excited about all of this 05/05/2023 ~~ 20:24
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todays my dads birthday 05/02/2023 ~~ 19:00
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 the animation style in "cartman gets an anal probe" and "jesus vs. santa" is so deeply satisfying to me with the colors and shapes and movement of the characters & inspiring me to continue pursuing interesting art creative direction with my own shit (while also making it funny) 04/27/2023 ~~ 07:50
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